I was brought to thinking about expectations after I was on a flight back home from a quick trip to California for a funeral. End of life always brings a certain amount of self-reflection about one’s place in life and what may (or may not) lie ahead. In the plane on the way home, one of the flight attendants was visibly frustrated when his expectations were not met by a passenger. Despite repeated requests to turn electronics off, this passenger had not complied. While the expectation that instructions be listened and adhered to is not unreasonable, 100% compliance with instructions in the general public is likely an unrealistic expectation. When our expectations do not line up with reality frustration and resentment is usually the result.

I have four children: three daughters and a son. My eldest daughter is a beautiful girl who strives to live up to the expectations of her mother and father. My second to youngest (also a beautiful young lady) seems less concerned about the expectations (or even rules) placed on her by her parents or any particular situation she might be in. My expectations for my daughters are different based on their own unique personalities and approach to life. When I think about my children and my expectations for them I recognize the power that these expectations can hold. If I place my expectations too low for my daughters they will likely not achieve their fullest potential. If I expect too much, they will be frustrated and feel as though they have failed and disappointed their dad. My hope for them is that they will do their best. Life may or may not be kind to them, but if they apply themselves in whatever their circumstance then they will do as well as can be expected. I do not have an expectation of success because I have seen too many situations in life where failure was predetermined. Not to mention, success and failure are constructs that are largely determined upon individual perception.

Our expectations for ourselves and whatever situation we might be facing is no less important than our expectations for our children. Just as with our children, it is important to have accurate expectations regarding life, ourselves, and our situations. Accurate expectations will help us to live up to our fullest potential and get the most out of our circumstance while avoiding the frustration and disappointment that comes with too high of a standard. If you find yourself feeling as though you are not living up to your potential or are consistently frustrated and disappointed with yourself or your life, looking at your expectations might be a good starting point. Many times it can be difficult to develop an accurate level of expectation due to emotional and thought distortions that affect our ability to objectively evaluate a situation. If you find yourself struggling to identify or modify your expectations accurately, perhaps we can help you on your journey through our services at Adaptive Counseling and Case Management in Traverse City.